Frightened To Death
By Kim Engels
Do you know what frightens you the most
Maybe the snake or even the ghosts
Each person phobia is different
I am scared things very constant
Anything moves I see in that moment
My heart beats fast and my eyes wide open
Such as snakes or creatures or worms
Even any moving things in small forms
They frighten me like I get hit by storm
Bugs or puppies or kittens in a dorm
Also anything is wiggling
Like snakes or eels or anything
They scared me and my body is shaking
Because I never saw such a thing
I also lived in the big city
In the mansion with my family
Having life in the luxury spree
My mom was from the royal family
My dad was a rich Chinese tycoon
It seemed like we lived in the moon
Later we dropped from the moon so soon
In 1975 Pol Pot threw people like spoons
In the blink of an eye our lives swayed
People suffered and died everyday
And I did not know what to say
Because we lived so far away
And I was still scared of little things
I saw leeches on people legs moving
I jumped onto small dams and was shaking
Silly me I was afraid of anything
Those were only leeches I saw there
I saw nothing else anywhere
Creature can kill you like a bear
Or carnivores at everywhere
That is what frightening you to death
This is what we are so afraid
We cannot do anything but dead
Unless you think something in you head
To try to save yourself for your life
Only thing you do is ready to fight
This is one thing that we surprise
But this is not what I want to tell you
Protecting your life you cannot do
I am going to tell you and describe
That frightening thing you cannot fight
You cannot talk or even cry
You will die whenever the time come
That is dangerous way which comes from
Even you try to escape and jump
To do this way is very seldom
Only way is you are going to die
Even all Gods come from the sky
They cannot help and rescue your life
Only thing is your destiny
The Khmer Rouge will kill you like a fly
Very rare can is happened to me
You know what happened as you could see
Anything they said we had to agree
As usual they always had a meeting
With all of us in the evening
Every night they talked the same things
Not to talk or sigh or walk around
Especially not to go stealing
To stay in the hut if you were found
They would kill you just right on the ground
If you were luck you could not be drowned
In the water of rice field or you died
They talked over and over and smiled
You know what would happen in a while
Bad things would happen into the hell
We all did not feel very well
Many of us were going to die
Because they killed some of us every night
Our hearts were pounding but we tried
To sit still quietly without turning
Around or even though moving
It was so late at night in that meeting
And we all were so wondering
That we were going to die somehow
Suddenly they talked very loud
More spies coming in a big crowd
Circling us and feeling so proud
Of themselves to kill us for fun
A lot of youngsters with the guns
With big smiles they were going to hunt
That nobody thought and tried to run
They said one person named Eng who had
Family abroad and they were mad
From France and USA and they were bad
They did not like it and they were sad
The families were in other state
They came to pick Eng up in this late
I questioned myself for my fate
How they know we were in the village
This was a trick and took me to kill
I knew my puzzle and solution was filled
I sit quietly and stayed still
I prayed to my dad for my last will
There were two persons named Eng in here
She also stayed quiet in the rear
Row of people that they knew so clear
We both were quiet and very fear
But both of us stayed still and said nothing
The Khmer Rouge youngsters were surrounding
With their guns pointing to us and smiling
While the other kept talking louder
And tried to find the truth by screaming
Of which they made us scared and suffer
I was so scared because they would offer
The truck which took two of us to see
The family if you fell in this trick speaker
I thought everybody knew it was me
But they said no words and sat quietly
Because most of them were farmers
For a while all of those rage killers
Told us to go back with our families
They warned us to stay in the huts and did not flee
Or get out to steal food for free
And that would be the result for our lives
They walked away laughing with a big smile
Anybody was released and wanted to cry
They could kill us anytime without reasons
Or tortured us to death with surprise
But this time it was my situation
Their spies were true about this condition
No one had families abroad than us
If they found out who it was they must
To kill me if I lost concentration
But I was like this with my opinion
By doing thing with my consideration
Since I was a little girl until now
Doing thing carefully and knew how
It did not mean I was very proud
I was always quiet and did not talk very loud
At any kind of situation
Especially this time was a bad affection
To live or die was my decision
For one right thought my life would be okay
Or one wrong one would be my last day
I was lucky for the opinions
To stop the meeting for their operation
We all exhausted and got out quietly
Many things in their mind and family
I got to the hut with many questions
In my mind for this verification
Only our families knew this situation
That our siblings were in abroad countries
No one else knew about our family
Of which condition or where they would be
In my mind I knew who actually did
Why and what condition she would release
The information to others that we hid
I did not understand that we forfeit
To say our background to anybody
Of course people from my mom place did
Over there my parents built two monasteries
They came to stay for months with our family
They had good lives with many months in a row
Their lives with us had a good flow
When they went back home they got free
They got clothes rice petroleum and money
They never told about us to anybody
Especially to the Pot Pot monster
Because they did not want us to die or suffer
After all the good things that my parents would offer
For the whole royal land in my mom village
At no matter what were about their age
They were so grateful to my parents ever
Even they new about my parents better
They did not know about my siblings
Went to France and USA any further
Because there was a civil war at that happening
They did not come to our mansion regarding
The bombs from Khmer Rouge surrounding
The suburbs all over the city
In 1975 my siblings left the country
So nobody knew this but our family
And our neighbors in Phnom Penh
The more I thought the more I felt strange
It had to be one of us who released
This information do you agree
But what was past was past and not be
Happened anymore in the future
And I was not really so sure
I guessed I knew whom after I would figure
But I was not to release her name
For the sake of our nature
This was a betrayal and was a shame
I did not tell my family or to blame
Because we were not allowed to talk at night
Everything happening quick like a flame
Of life in somebody else hand as described
Your life was fragile in the blink of an eye
But not saying strange of anything
The only thing was to combine
Your family together as one string
Because this was not the time to bring
The dangerous way which caused our life
Let the obstacle went and only you would think
To take care of each other in one mind
If it was not we all would die
And forget things which already happened
Only thing was not to trust or to try
To find out about this problem
Live in peace under Pol Pot system
Stayed quiet and worked in the rural land
So I would be safe from now on
Did not trust anybody and went beyond
The limit and tried to make a bond
So they could trust you and did not make trouble
Bad thing could cause my life which would be gone
I worked hard and did not do in a hassle
If not my body would be in the jungle
And did not make them in a puzzle
From now on I did not trust anybody
Not even my own family
How my family did that to me
I was the only one who found food
For them to eat and my life would be
In danger and they still would and could
Cause me trouble or die if they should
Cause problem to me and were so rude
One of my family wanted me to die
If I did their lives would be strived
Not so long because they never wanted to find
Food or wood or carry water for their need
Especially my sister never tried
To do anything and she never did
Got to work during Pol Pot time indeed
Because she claimed she was sick instead
I did everything that Pol Pot forbid
She only cooked and did not lay on the bed
They sent me day and night to death
To find food and supplies for them to be fed
I, the princess girl, loved my family
Did risk my life for them to this degree
That night I was frightened to death as you can see
Everybody knew for sure it was me
The other lady did not say a word either
She was nice and to me she was mother
But this time, the spies and the Khmer Rouge leaders
Did not think deep enough to get both of us
To kill or even they wanted to crush
Us because we did not reply the answers
We both were so lucky this time and would never
Think that we still could breathe and stay alive
I cried quietly and did not tell my mother
I was shaking under the blanket that night
I would like to give you all a piece of advise
Since that incident almost cost my life
Please do not trust anybody
And be careful even your own family
Also your friends and everybody
You know including your co-workers
Almost 100% of them are nice and friendly
Except few of them their mind will differ
From anybody else and have bad manner
Because they want to make you suffer
I say this for everyday life
Even in the peaceful time so bright
Including the Pol Pot time I just describe
You cannot see deeply in their mind
They maybe get jealous of you all
Their lives differentiate from you if you recall
They do not have things like you overall
You trust them but they want to break up your lives
That causes them jealousy and make you trouble
You cannot give them some advise
Because they already make up their mind
You help them all their lives but they still try
To harm you and hurt you anyway
With different tactics every single day
It does not matter they will find a way
To destroy your life and your happiness
And this is who they are and they may
Hurt you again and again without confess
And turn around to clean up their mess
The worst part they live with you is the best
Opportunity for them to spy on you
And you do not have any clue
You will surprise that things come out of blue
By the time you realize that is true
It is too late they know every inch of your house
And take your stuffs then you face a dark cloud
It looks like your house has a bad mouse
You are disappointed and do not know how
You trust your family and friends
But things turn around in a sudden
When you need them nothing is going to happen
They are not going to help this problem
If they are true friends when you need
They care about you and good for you indeed
They are not to do to get anything for profit
They just make a stronger relationship
Like I just say this is a small percentage
Or none of that kind of person at the old age
It is very seldom for the people out of rage
I wish anybody would care of each other
And nothing will come out of this image
Anybody will have good wisdom forever
We all will have good life not suffer
And live happily forever and after
I wish you all good luck and good life
Prosperity and longevity along you side
Thank you very much
Merci beaucoup
Arkunj chroeum Nas
Muchas gracias
Shei sha
Goodbye
Au revoir
Lea hoeuy
Adios
Ciao
Adieu
I love all of you and Gods bless you
And
Best wishes to anyone in the world